canti

(no subject)

I'm writing to nobody, and everybody at the same time. I feel so lonely lately. It's really late, and I should be sleeping. But I simply just can't. I'm too upset, and I have nobody to talk to. I saw a picture of you today. I still get nausea when I look at you. I keep asking myself the same questions... all the how's and the why's... And I think about how you constantly contradict yourself in everything that you say. I think about when you first left me, how you told me that "you can't just change overnight", yet you seemed to have transitioned into a little slut pretty quickly yourself. How do you explain that? Following your logic, you've always been this way, and you just managed to hide it from me. I gave you reasons to leave me, yet you stayed time after time. And after I stopped giving you and reason, you made reasons. You found reasons... I don't know what i'm getting at, it's really late.

I could forgive you so easily right now... but you're never going to admit that you're wrong.
So, I can't ever speak to you again. That's how I know we're really over. I never want you in my life again. Anything else would be to painful.

It's kinda like the end scene in Lost in Translation, where Scarlet's character says "Let's both never come back here, because it will never be as much fun".

It will never be as much fun with you.
You ruined it
great job

2 years later

Lets reflect...

Made a lot of mistakes these past 2 years, and hurt a lot of people. A lot of friends mostly. Well fuck me.

Fell in love, forced out of it. Don't know how to feel about anything anymore. Forgot how to be myself. I forgot what I like to spend my time doing. I've lost a lot of friends. Learning about relationships a lot lately. It's been so long since I've felt this way, and it's so strong because it's someone I've spent the last 2 years of my life growing with. Only to end. For what? Because it has to? Maybe we were always too immature from the beginning. What were we thinking... For once in my life I thought I had it. I've wanted it for so long. Then I lost it. I hate thinking about it. I hate myself for it sometimes. I fear that i'm always going to love her.

Anyway, getting my life back together. It's been a challenge to say the least. I've really enjoyed getting up with old friends I haven't spoken to in forever. Really appreciate those who still care to be my friend. Really just appreciating everything else in my life right now. I've taken so much for granted, I feel like such an ass.

But, just taking things day by day. It's all I can do.

I want to thank everyone for helping me grow. Even if we aren't friends anymore. Thanks